It’s Been Five Years

Wow! Time really flies by, doesn’t it? It has been five years today since my mom passed away. I feel like I never will forget the day’s entirety. My mom had suffered cancer for many years on and off. I have no clue how she did it. I cannot imagine her pain and suffering as I am not her.

The Thursday just before Memorial Day my mom went in to see her oncologist. I went with her. We both knew inside that it was the last time. We even spoke about it. He admitted her for more tests and all the logistics he needed to do to see where he could go with a Stage 4 Lung Cancer patient. The next day Friday he said, “It is time for Hospice.” Mom knew that and yet he still needed to say that. She needed his formal statement basically. My daughter’s came to the hospital after school that day. I told them what was happening. They were like, “Hasn’t Grandma been dying for years?” Well this was a bit more formal now. It was set in stone, time to plan the funeral per se. My mom said, “Discharge me now!” Of course she should be. What the heck are the meds going to do via IV fluids to help her. You see my mom suffered this cancer for many years. So mom came home that night. Within a week Hospice came and we began about 6 months of a new life.

She lived about 6 months with this horrendous disease that takes over your body. I worked home care jobs as a CNA so I could be around for my mom’s last moments. It helped me be there for the kids more to deal with this. She did not live her last 6 months sitting down. No sir! My mom was always a fighter but she deserved to live her last days “ALIVE”! She did what she could when she could. We had friends and family visit at times. Her last couple months of life you knew it was happening but it was hard to accept.

My mom’s last meal was Portillo’s ribs! Bless her heart, she tried her best to eat them. As time went on it was hard for mom to eat anything. My neighbor’s little girls across the street were such a blessing. I was so blessed for them to be there. I remember two days before she died, it was a Wednesday afternoon and Lucy was over making my mom laugh! It was so inspiring. She loved to hear her stories. She loved to talk with Maya, such an intelligent little girl my mom always said.

October 14, 2011 my daughter’s head off to school. Stephanie was a senior and Elizabeth was a sophomore. Dad said to me it doesn’t look good. The look in his eyes I will never forget. I have tears in my eyes right now feeling that exact moment in time. I will never understand how my dad went through this since I am not him. I told my mom, “I love you mommy.” And her last words to me were, “I love you.” Why I said mommy I never really understood until years later. I never had a mommy most my life. I was kidnapped at age 7 and recovered at age 15. And there I was at age 41 losing her.

The Hospice nurse came and said, “Anytime now.” She told me to call the school and get the girl’s home so they can spend their last moments with their Grandma. I know the nurse had a tear in her eye. How can you not have her job and not be affected? She and my mom had so many similarities. They would have a blast. They were the same age. I would join them and have a great time. We all needed it.

The Chaplain from Hospice came and said she will not make it through the night. I knew it inside my heart. My mom did not want to die in the dark at night. My mom’s best friends came over and family as soon as they could. My mom’s youngest brother drove his truck over, moments later she passed. Mom was waiting for him. My mom died at 5pm on October 14, 2011.

God knew what he was doing. You see my daughters were cheerleaders in high school. Normally they cheer on Friday night. How ironic that they ended up playing an away game on Saturday morning at a field that does not have lights? God always has a plan. Even though we hurt with this horrible loss. I was so sad and could not sleep. I felt my right toe, the big one getting touched the night she died when I was in bed. It was like her way of saying goodbye but looking and feeling healthy.

I will never forget that day as I will love my mom forever, no matter the fights we have had. But we always made up for those fights. I would go back and say, “You know mom you are right.” Or even she has admitted, “I was wrong, maybe we should do this.” Sometimes when we love someone we get all crazy and goofy and say things we do not mean. Why? I honestly do not know. We just want what is best for our loved ones. We just want our children to make the best decisions ever. Usually because in our past we have made poor choices.

October 14 will always be a day dedicated to my mom. Now she has my dad up in Heaven with her, her brother, and her mom. She went up to Heaven to see her daddy. The things God does for us. I don’t think my mom could have handled my Uncle’s sudden passing, along with my dad’s illness, and Grandma’s sudden illness. God planned this for her. Just like he did for Grandpa. I know easier said than done.

Every day is a gift and I am going to enjoy it!


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