Month: February 2018

Why did you never tell me how you felt all those years?
Were you not proud of all I could do?
I know you worked hard all your life but what about what I did for you?
I gave up my life to do things for you.
Did you not care for everything I did for you?
I worried and cared for everything you went through in your life and yet when I went through something, anything you showed no compassion, no empathy.
What kind of love is that?
What kind of parenting is that?
What kind of grand parenting is that to show?
Why did you not write a single letter before the end to say you did love me at all?
Or at least a letter to your grandchildren?
Anything?
I am not going to do that to my children, my sister, or my grandson with my health right now.
Why is life so short?
Why did I not realize that so?
How come I did not seem to acknowledge that as much as I could?
Why did I work so much that I missed on so much of my girls’ lives?
Why am I not realizing that I am like my family before me?
We run around and do not see.
Why?
Because we do as we see in this life.
All I wish for is my kids do not get the “why’s” in life.
No more “why’s”.
More life.

I personally can only take so much in this lifetime. I have been through so much, as a child was enough but here at 48 I am personally done! Your alcoholism has taken a toll not on you but me also and I wish you would finally hit bottom and get help. I wish you would recognize there is a serious problem here. You have been sick on and off for two months and missing work at a great job and not seeing this. You have just been arrested for a DUI on your way to work extra hours on a Saturday. Do you not see this as a problem? You said you would help me and care for me a bit. I am in renal failure and scared to death. We have known each other for over 5 years and have been through thick and thin. Mostly with my health and finances, God has blessed above and beyond. Can you not see He is there for you giving you a hundred chances? He always does for us on this earth. But it is Satan that is taking you down deeper with him. You see Satan will make you dig deeper so when you are at your bottom you will never know and not be able to crawl back up. That is how evil works but that is now how good and love does. Please go for the good and love of God. You are killing me inside and out. I am barely surviving on my own when you are not at home for me to deal with regular everyday life. I need you to be at your regular self to survive what is left with my life. Please I beg you to hang on and dig yourself up from this bottom part of your life to God and get help, change your way of being, not for but for yourself overall. I need that for you. Just for you and for you alone.