The Blame Game

Today in social media along with our news media we have the “blame game”. This is something I do not care for. I find that it is not a good example for our children and others in our communities. And we wonder why people go so far “right” or “left” as they say. When Alabama had their horrible tornados hit many news stations complained about President Trump signing Bibles. Well, yes a little girl wanted her Bible signed. People it was a little girl! No I am not into having someone sign my Bible unless I was meeting Jesus in person. In order to do that I need to be dead basically. I think that back when JFK was alive it seemed like the “era” to have your Bible signed by a “sitting President”. However that is what my opinion is and does not mean it is the only correct one. What happened was that no one really focused on the tragedy, the loss of homes and family members. Or more or less on how to re-build, what can be done to spin something positive and give hope to these families. I get that people are not a fan of Donald Trump, fine. But to degrade the people who lost lives and family because of your hate, you should be ashamed of yourself. You call yourself a news reporter! What happened to the real story? You chose to spin it from a little girl wanting her Bible signed by a sitting president to Trump was signing Bibles on his trip and did nothing else. We all knew what Trump was like prior to his running for President, why are you so surprised? And those of you who voted for him that are complaining please get over it. I get the good, the bad and the ugly. Please trust me on this. But news should be reported as it should be. Let us focus on what happened in Alabama and what can be done for recovery purposes. Now let us look into the horrific terrorist attacks in New Zealand. The person who did that act (no names of the criminal since that is what they like) is the responsible party for his actions. Do not take heed for what someone else posts on social media. This is the same old story, if your friends jumped off a cliff, would you? I mean really, what are we all 12 till we die?

Why do we hold on?

Oh how this question seems to never go away from us sometimes? We tend to “hold on” to the past as for fear of the future, feeling like we cannot move on, regret, maybe wanting to go back to a behavior that is something you desire. In actuality it is the worst thing to do to ourselves by holding on. Now this is in regards to a bad relationship, a behavior that seemed “like fun” but caused such pain and anguish. In other words, sinful behavior. When it comes to losing someone to death, that is something else, please do not put that in this category, how and why they died. I would like to discuss that on my blog in the near future as it has affected me too.

But back to basics, today I was haunted by innocent words from my daughter in the past, “Mom why couldn’t you marry him instead of this guy?” Well, I was somewhat engaged to a con artist at the time (little did I know). But I had just found out some things about this person. It was taken lightly to me which caused a future of pain. But that day when my youngest asked me that question, we met a friend of mine at a restaurant. He is a good man. We all chatted, it was good. My head was all over the place. But I could never tell anyone why it never worked with that good man there, it was we were great friends and I fell in love with him, his generous heart, sense of humor, etc. I never told him or my kids. But when I realized that my friendship was in trouble, meaning I wanted more, I needed to back off. No I never said a word. My fault. Who knows what God wanted. But I was also depressed after my mom’s death and lonely. And that is how my heart was open to Satan, not purposely but that devil took my heart and used the con artist to take away what I loved the most, my family and friends, next to God. I was basically looking above myself watching this happen and not able to change it. I was in motion and ould not stop it, I could not talk for myself, think for myself, or be myself. That is what happened. I felt like I was in slow motion. It was horrible.

So this afternoon I heard my daughter’s innocence in my head speaking to me. It made me feel like I let not only both my girl’s down but reminded me of letting him down too, my friend that is. Watch your hearts and guard them. The time we seem to suffer the most is when the Devil takes and destroys us all.

1 Timothy 4:16 NKJV “Take heed to yourself and the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you.” 

I know that passage is in reference to our Ministry gifts, however the words “TAKE HEED” kept coming to me in this blog. But those two words that are in the Bible sure have a huge affect on me today, “TAKE HEED”.

I think it is time to forgive myself fully instead of “holding on” to these bad memories to discourage me.


What I Am About Today

My fondest memory as a child would be spending time with my grandparents. I was so grateful to have these precious people in my life. I miss them both dearly. I wanted my daughter’s to feel the same way about their grandparents and they do. They were blessed. Not many can say that their grandma and grandpa let them have a sleepover. Or took them out to eat with their friends. It could be because of what my mom and grandparents went through when I was a missing child. I cannot imagine what they went through on this earth.

I am working on writing my book about it. It is just going to take time. I want it dedicated to my mom of course but also those children out there missing. I want others to get what happened in my life as an inspiration to either do more, from when I have not. Or to know they are not alone. That is also the aspect of my blogging. I am adding my spiritual side, my belief system to this. I personally find it rather helpful for me to depend on God.

Most people who know me know that I feel guilty for anything I have ever done wrong. I know to pray to God and ask forgiveness but others tend to remind me nearly daily of my many indiscretions. Yeah you do not need to do that because I already do. However, it could be the enemy slipping in to destroy me when I feel vulnerable the most. Then my confidence in myself, others, and Christ falls in a moments end. Again, this is why I feel the need to share. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! We all have fallen into the darkest of days and here we are on this earth just trying to live one moment at a time. We are all depending on God’s grace to get us through every moment. IT WORKS GREAT WITH GOD!!

I am truly grateful for my life. You will hear me say that all the time. How can I not be thankful to not have a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear, etc. You get my point, at least I hope. Try to find something everyday to be “grateful/thankful” for. If need be, start a journal of those things. You may begin with one thing or just one word, “trees”. Think about it. I may have been kidnapped by my father (the first man who married my mother, you’ll learn more in my blogs) but always found something to be grateful for. I was abused as a child and found something to be grateful for. I have been in really bad/unhealthy relationships and God helped me find great things to be happy for. It can happen and it may not be easy but it is so worth the wait for what GOD has in store for you and for me.

There are many days or moments I go through challenges that God has set for me. It is up to me sometimes to do the foot work. And yes God answers my prayers, my needs, continues to bless me but I need to walk the walk for Him as well. I suffer from depression and anxiety at times. The enemy wants me to hide out at home hidden away from people. But I manage by God’s grace. I watch myself at times with doorknobs and all. I do not like to use them but I pray about it and I am much better. I worked a job where I could not touch anything unless I had the plastic gloves on we had for patients. I took a leave of absence to get my mind straight. Of course there was more than that. But two years later here I am not so afraid. I do struggle at times but I pray and depend on God’s grace. I do the footwork, He gives me the blessings.

God put it upon my heart to share some of the things I have gone through. I am sure I will share more here on my blog. I have only done this for a couple of weeks now. It is really awesome to do this. I thank you for reading my blog and leave you with this.

Matthew 6:33   “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness; and all these things will be given to you as well.”



Tonight I leave you with this…

ROMANS 5:3-4 says, “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character;  and character, hope.” Think about how the rich man was with Lazarus. Father Abraham came to Lazarus. He was a faithful servant to God and he suffered as well. You can read along in Luke 16:19-31. There are many kinds of suffering in life, this is something that we each think about and give to God wholeheartedly. When this verse hit my eyes and lips tonight I felt the need to share it with you. I am a witness for sure in this case. But no matter what, when I slept outside in the rain at the train station upset at myself for making a dumb choice, I cried out to God and thanked Him. When I wasn’t sure what to do in my marriage once I thanked God for my beautiful girls. No car at times, brakes not working. It works best for me to thank Him up above for everything. Even if the day seems the most dark and sufferable day ever. You will find something. I know it!

End of a Season

Here we go saying goodbye to another season on this planet we call earth. Seasons come and seasons go. I really can never say which one I love the best. I feel as though I have been blessed by all one way or another. This summer end is different for me. As I go into my second semester at Waubonsee Community College as an older adult and do I mean older I am reminded of the love of my dear Grandma. My beautiful Grandma passed away suddenly this summer. It was just before the fall session started. One minute she was on facebook commenting and posting like she could and the next she was bed ridden and unable to speak. She had end stage renal failure. She passed at hime in her bed in her sleep basically. I think she did not want to fight. She had to bury my mom nearly 5 years next month. And she could not get herself to bury her son, my uncle about 3 years ago. I know God has plans for us on this earth but the enemy wants to destroy us with famine, disease, cancer, murder, bombings, etc. Parents tend to want their children to live. I will never understand what my dear Grandma went through all those years ago with my mom and uncle. I never buried a child and I pray I do not. But it seems as seasons change, school starts, ends, year changing, babies being born, a person passes this earth. A season changing.

Please feel free to read Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. It sums up my seasons in a way. Life in general. May God Bless your weekend!!

I Welcome You….

My heart breaks when I see or know there is pain in other’s lives. I wish I could fix it but I know I can not fix EVERYTHING!! I can be a part of my community, my being, my soul inside. We may have all heard in our lifetimes the saying, “choose your own battles”. Yes, but there is to a point. If we see something going on that is not safe or where we can present help when needed, please do so. I have been silent in my past for others and others the same as myself. It does not mean they will listen. Don’t we all have a message to share amongst ourselves? I have what I call my “theme song” to my life right now. It is called, “Holy Spirit You Are Welcome Here”. Use those guidelines if need be to help other’s. My “go to Bible verse” for many years has been, Isaiah 40:31. Take time to read it, look it up. I have a “go to happy song”, it is called, “Over the Rainbow”. I am sure you have either read these or heard about them. But my challenge is for you this weekend readers to look this up and find your theme song for your life right now, your verse/aspiring thought, your go to happy song.


I have struggled with this word so many times in my life. We communicate with so many people and things in life. We can hurt others but miscommunicating. I know that I have done that numerous times. Hey I’m not perfect! But I am always searching in this life I live here on earth. What can I do but improve my skills, right? So I pray about how I am communicating with others. I know I need to work with this in my return to college with classmates, professor’s, my new work study job, organizations, etc. The challenge I am finding in my anxiety in my life. It is talking with others. I can chat it up good in class but just going up to someone and making conversation is hard. Here again we are “communicating”. I feel as though this will be a constant reminder in my life. How this all relates to God. We need to be in constant commune with our Lord and Savior to be successful with our own day to day livelihood. Commincation with our God is where it all begins. Billy Graham said, “Prayer is simply a two-way conversation between you and God.”

Isaiah 40:31King James Version (KJV)

31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.