Rainy Day

Today is a rainy day but I am finding the beauty in the day. How about you? The rain helps things grow. I know the grass grows and you gotta mow it yet again! 😮 I find the rain rather peaceful inside my heart. That is something I need. I have dealt with depression and anxiety so I look for things to help assist me. Yes I use many oils to help with that. More to follow on which oils help!! But let us focus on how to find peace on a rainy day. We are stuck inside right now. So I am enjoying organizing some things, still need to work on more. 🤭 I have been reading books and will share about them on here as well. I really think we can enjoy a rainy day inside. It is hard at first but I know you can come up with good ideas, like binge watch on Netflix. 😜

Share with me your ideas what you do on a rainy day inside.

Kathy ❤️

Truth About Parental Mistakes

I found this article on MSN News this morning. It is 50 Things Grandparents Should Never Do. I agree and understand, some things can be helpful, when communicated. I know where I made my mistakes while my daughter’s were young.

When I was getting divorced my girl’s were young and we moved in with my parents. Some say first mistake, others say it could be very helpful. I will briefly tell you bits and pieces of mistakes that corelate with the article below.

First Mistake: No Communicating with my parents prior to moving in period! We were not that close, as in constant calls on a daily basis. So when it came to moving in I had to do it by myself in a 4-door Saturn. My dad (step-dad for those that know my story) was going to help with the pickup truck but since I drove out (1 hour away) with the girls he chose not to go out there. I wanted to clean up a bit more and not let my dad see how depressed I was just before going to my parents place. I was ashamed. But I chose not to communicate that with them. Communication between your parents in regards to anything with your children is key to a healthy relationship. It is about the kids and not you. That was my problem.

Second Mistake: While living with my parents I was able to work full time and return to college full time. I even managed a 4.0 with everything. I chose to work hard and wanted that for my daughter’s future. But I began to allow my parents, mostly my mother, to interfere with discipling the girls. It was hard to separate the fun grandma and grandpa and their mom in the same residence. Then if they needed to do homework and I was working, it become a nightmare. I ended up working nightshift at the hospital. That just eventually (couple years) burnt me out. I needed to clean the house and other responsibilities done in the daylight hours. I was tired. My mom did nothing but complain no matter what hours I worked, nothing pleased her. It did not help our family dynamics.

Throughout the years and even before my divorce my parents always bought clothing and toys for them. They actually had a bedroom at their house prior to us moving in. When we moved in we each had our own rooms. How lucky can we be? The three of us each have a bedroom and a private bath. That does not normally happen. Do not get me wrong I will always be truly grateful. When my car broke down I used their extra car. Now who does that? The problem is I always felt guilty or obligated. Like I owe them and they should make the decisions as they are right.

What really should have happened is communication from the beginning, prior to me moving in. Even when I moved in a signed agreement if need be. I gave my paychecks to my dad all the time so my money helps the family out, as in me and the girls and my parents. I wanted to be fair. The electric bill went up, water, etc. Participation in household expenses is fair. They always helped with Santa gifts since the girls were born. I knew I could never compete with that. I will always be grateful for my parents to help me when I was so far down in depression and no where to go when getting divorced. They gave their home to us. That home was a home until they both passed, at very young ages of cancer. Being a parent and a grandparent is a gift from God. Communication is the key. Without that you do not have great relationships with your children and parents eventually.

For me, my mom went on Hospice and I stayed home for that 6 months to care for her with my girls and dad. It helped us connect. We lost all those years because I just had to be right and so did she. We were stubborn women. My daughter’s are now 22 & 24 with their own lives and careers. My 22 year old has a 15 month old adorable little boy. But they do not have that much respect for me in the parenting game. Interference can cause too many dilemmas that you do not want. My dad and I never really connected like he did with my daughter’s. They loved their grandpa and that is sweet. My oldest took real good care of him with his cancer. He gave me an “olive branch” the Christmas before he passed. We were not on good terms. He was always good to me and he suffered the loss of my mom deeply. We always got pajamas on Christmas Eve from Mrs. Claus (my mom). I loved that even as a teenager. So I welcomed the tradition for my girls and wanted to keep it going. I still do today. My dad’s “olive tree” to me was pajamas for Christmas 2014. I will never forget. He passed away days before his birthday in February 2015.

Mistakes are what we make as parents and grandparents. Why don’t we communicate better to not let it affect future relationships. It is the BIG mistakes that make the difference in our lives. Please share with me below what you think of the article and if anything has happened like it shares.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/family-relationships/50-things-grandparents-should-never-do/ss-BBVdt8U?ocid=sf

Love One Another ❤️

It just seems lately that there is not much love around. People seem to want to spread hate, judgement, anger, anything of negative energy. That just seems exhausting to me. That would just deflect a person in my eyes. How exhausting to always think you are right, perfect, judge all around you and not take responsibly at all for your mishaps in life?! 🤔

Exactly! 💡 Light bulb shines brightly doesn’t it? As close to the sun it can. 🌞

Here is how I look at it, God loved me before I was ever a twinkle in anyone’s eyes. Same with you. We were all created to be a part of this Earth for a special reason, to be loved is one and to give love is another. I believe that God loves everyone.

He loves ALL!

It does not matter who you are, your race, your income, your education, your sexual preference, nothing. Jesus sat with prostitutes and those ill. He caught nothing. There is no fear so grow up! Jesus spent time on this Earth performing miracles. He spent time-sharing the love. He wanted you to know that you are loved.

None of this violence at facilities as it defeats the purpose. We all need to stand up for things do not get me wrong but shall we do it in a way that does not portray our one and mighty Lord.

We need to learn to speak with love. There is also a time and a place for everything as well.

I say we need to stop letting the agenda of the media get into our heads. Not let the world control our thoughts or images. Control what we watch on television and have a watchful eye with our social media accounts. I would recommend that with your children and please continue it with opening up those conversations. We learn to judge, hate, bully, well just about anything from our parents, older siblings and our surroundings. This needs to stop.

It seems easy to blame others yes I get that but we need to be accountable for our actions. I know I was not the nicest person in this life. I really regret it. So it is time to give back. Remember that saying, “treat others the way you want to be treated”. Seriously think about that.

Saying I love you needs to be said but does need to be showed as well. Words to live by my friends.

Peace and Love,

Kathy ❤️

Celebrating President’s Day

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As children in Elementary School we were taught that President’s Day is a couple of days off school. We also we taught, well back in my day as I am 49, to respect early President’s George Washington (1st) and Abraham Lincoln (16th).  I recall all about George Washington and his apple trees. I remember he had white hair and thought that was funny. Our teacher told us it was a wig. Oh how the giggles exploded in our classroom. We were really amazed at how tall Abraham Lincoln was and his “big” hat. To a small child in school we thought he was a giant! We understood that he was shot and died with pennies on his eyes, or rather copper pennies. Back in the late 70’s to early 80’s we were educated differently than today. That is okay, different time. Today is a day to reflect on President’s who have passed and represented this country with honor and integrity. Yes, I know we all may not agree about each President that is still alive or currently serving.  If unhappy fix it in a healthy way. Celebrate a couple President’s that have birthday’s at the same time who have passed. This is a day to not just say, “this is just a holiday off and things are closed, blah, blah, blah”. Let us remember what our country was started on, freedom, liberty, and justice for all.  I just feel thankful that without President’s we would not have Congress or a House of Representatives to give us some of the things we ask for. Think about it. Have a great Monday!!

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Reaching Out

This afternoon after church I have been busy. I have been researching how to “reach out” on my blog. I have been doing this over a couple years and of course still a new blogger. This past week I came back here with so much new information it is unbelievable.

Blogging had helped me personally to share my life of lessons learned all there is going on out there. It has been fabulous to learn from ALL of you! I know there is so much more for me to do.

My friend who got me into WordPress has been a blessing in my life. It is amazing to connect with someone after so many years and still know them. Even though she was younger than me she was a mature girl and a wise Christian woman. I have used their story of dating and serving the Lord to others. It helps me share with others in a time of questions.

This is what sharing our stories are about, advice, recipes. Whatever there is we continue to learn.

Music was something that, rather is that God gives each of us. To my dear friends Ray and Jenna I am grateful for the gift God gave me through you. The worship of God’s love in music was so emotional to me. I felt God’s love.

With my daughter’s growing up it was important for me to share that with them and I did. They were taught. We may not be all on the same page now, my girls and I with our beliefs but I am mature enough in my relationship with Christ now to deal with it. God puts people in our lives for a reason and He did that for me now. When I see things I can tell immaturity or anything else in life. Growing with Christ is the best thing for me. I am truly grateful for this blogging site and will take all the tools I have learned today and this past week to heart. 🥰🥰

When They Were Little People

Today is considered “TBT” on social media, mainly Facebook. So I posted a picture of my girls “when they were little people”. These two kids had such character and fun! It is amazing how one little thing in life can change over a course of events. These two babies, to me that is, will always be one love in life. I know I did them wrong. I am not upset that I never met their father, just how things went about it. Maybe if I were a bit more mature, etc. However, I would not have those precious pictures of reminders of the fun we used to have, the travels we had, the love we used to share. Oh how time goes on. Remember to cherish every moment you have with your children. Once they get older, boom, it goes quick! They are now 20 & 22! They are no longer “little people”, they are “grown up young ladies”. So hard to believe. It is amazing though how many challenges, trials and tribulations they have gone through with flying colors. It probably didn’t feel like that for them but they came out swinging on top. I can’t imagine what God had in store for them!! To my ‘little people’ who are now ‘growing young ladies’, I am proud of all you have done and will do in our lives. God brought you to me for a reason and I am truly grateful for your lives and love. I love you forever and unconditionally like God does for us. This is for my baby girls!!

 

What I Am About Today

My fondest memory as a child would be spending time with my grandparents. I was so grateful to have these precious people in my life. I miss them both dearly. I wanted my daughter’s to feel the same way about their grandparents and they do. They were blessed. Not many can say that their grandma and grandpa let them have a sleepover. Or took them out to eat with their friends. It could be because of what my mom and grandparents went through when I was a missing child. I cannot imagine what they went through on this earth.

I am working on writing my book about it. It is just going to take time. I want it dedicated to my mom of course but also those children out there missing. I want others to get what happened in my life as an inspiration to either do more, from when I have not. Or to know they are not alone. That is also the aspect of my blogging. I am adding my spiritual side, my belief system to this. I personally find it rather helpful for me to depend on God.

Most people who know me know that I feel guilty for anything I have ever done wrong. I know to pray to God and ask forgiveness but others tend to remind me nearly daily of my many indiscretions. Yeah you do not need to do that because I already do. However, it could be the enemy slipping in to destroy me when I feel vulnerable the most. Then my confidence in myself, others, and Christ falls in a moments end. Again, this is why I feel the need to share. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! We all have fallen into the darkest of days and here we are on this earth just trying to live one moment at a time. We are all depending on God’s grace to get us through every moment. IT WORKS GREAT WITH GOD!!

I am truly grateful for my life. You will hear me say that all the time. How can I not be thankful to not have a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear, etc. You get my point, at least I hope. Try to find something everyday to be “grateful/thankful” for. If need be, start a journal of those things. You may begin with one thing or just one word, “trees”. Think about it. I may have been kidnapped by my father (the first man who married my mother, you’ll learn more in my blogs) but always found something to be grateful for. I was abused as a child and found something to be grateful for. I have been in really bad/unhealthy relationships and God helped me find great things to be happy for. It can happen and it may not be easy but it is so worth the wait for what GOD has in store for you and for me.

There are many days or moments I go through challenges that God has set for me. It is up to me sometimes to do the foot work. And yes God answers my prayers, my needs, continues to bless me but I need to walk the walk for Him as well. I suffer from depression and anxiety at times. The enemy wants me to hide out at home hidden away from people. But I manage by God’s grace. I watch myself at times with doorknobs and all. I do not like to use them but I pray about it and I am much better. I worked a job where I could not touch anything unless I had the plastic gloves on we had for patients. I took a leave of absence to get my mind straight. Of course there was more than that. But two years later here I am not so afraid. I do struggle at times but I pray and depend on God’s grace. I do the footwork, He gives me the blessings.

God put it upon my heart to share some of the things I have gone through. I am sure I will share more here on my blog. I have only done this for a couple of weeks now. It is really awesome to do this. I thank you for reading my blog and leave you with this.

Matthew 6:33   “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness; and all these things will be given to you as well.”

 

Television

So why do you have cable and never have time to watch tv? Why are you wasting money on a bill that is  better spent somewhere else? I love it when people say I need the internet. Okay, I get that. It is only cheaper if you have cable tv. But you also have to pay for the cable tv people! Think wisely upon your decisions. Yes, financially we waste money daily. Trust me, been there, done that, still suffering! On top of it the so-called programs are unhealthy for children. I thought Disney was good for my girls when they were young. But some of the young tv shows were more about your appearance than anything. How does that identify a young girl growing into a young woman? The language in shows also. We as parents and individuals need to be vigilantes with what we are presenting to our children. Are we reading the books we think are cute for them? Are we looking ahead of these programs they want to watch? Do we get busy and become lazy? Or just too busy because we join everything and everywhere that we forget to care for our own home environment? Parenting is one of the hardest jobs in this world!! I regret all my mistakes, daily! I wish I could go back and change from the beginning on but I can’t. I personally do not have cable. I do not even have regular tv to watch. Yes I have a tv just in case I want to watch a dvd but I haven’t in numerous months. I feel like there is just too much junk colliding up my mind. take time to do other things in your life to relax for once. Also, you just might be able to save a few bucks down the road. I may be part of this world but I am not allowing myself to be “in” it. I sometimes get my words and letters mixed up but the God made it clear.

I. Am. Alone.

Oh how I have felt so alone most of my life, not just my childhood but pretty much most my adult life. Yes, I have had many friends come and go. I have had family. I feel at times I do not. Yes, I have family out-of-state and it is hard to get together, that’s for sure. But the loss of my mom in October 2011 took my soul. I was home caring for her when she was on Hospice for 6 months. I will never ever forget those moments. I miss her dearly everyday, even 5 years later. I want her back in person to say, “Mom I am really sorry for all the mistakes and horrible things I have done my whole life and since you’ve been gone.” I was on the depression pole while my mom was sick. I did not want to see or deal with it. I had my mom to take care of and two teenage daughter’s at home. I had no idea how they were gonna deal with this. I noticed many changes in ALL of us at home towards the end and upon her death. I just couldn’t deal. I felt no reality and what do I do now with my pitiful life. I lived for my mom. Nothing wrong with caring and loving your parents but I tend to lose myself with others. Shortly after the New Year in 2012 I kept searching for love, even though I believed and loved God mind you. I was depressed and my anxiety level was way above the voltage rate. So, I got involved with the worst character ever. He was a con artist but I did not see or accept it when told. I was in a “dream world”. This so-called man was going to take me away from all my sadness at home and take care of me and my kids. Well, that never happened. He stole my sister’s cell phone, which was my fault. And my children’s and mine laptops. Oh how I wish I could fix everything. I just check wishing in my “imaginary world” things would change. I was sad, lost, and my soul had disappeared. My dad wanted me to do this and that to take care of it. Hey, I don’t blame him. I was in “la-la land”. Today I would be like, Hey, go, do that! But I failed and he kept trying to con me. This disgrace for a human being went on my Facebook and email accounts and accessed them. He was able to ask people for money and many other strange things. Sad thing is that I lost my so-called close friends due to them believing I was begging for money. I am not like that nor have I ever been. I hurt my dad and his family by saying on facebook things that were not nice when I thought this guy wanted to marry me. Hey, they were the one’s trying to save me and my kids. Where was my brain? I lost a family. It was an awful feeling and still is to this day. My daughter’s who I brag about never visit me or call me about anything. Oh unless it is about money or financial aid or just to complain about my being. I am not invited to anything for holiday’s or graduations. My oldest has never wanted me to visit her at college. Thank God I saw the campus before things ended up how they did. I celebrate no holidays. I am alone. I might get a text message for my birthday or maybe mother’s day. I have constantly said I was sorry ALL those years ago. The last years I give up. I have tried and my heart is hurt and saddened. You see I am the kind of person that does not need constant reminding of all her mistakes, etc. I know them, I remember them daily and I hurt constantly in my heart. I know all the people in my life will never forgive and forget. I need to accept that is between them, their heart, brain, soul, and God. I forgave myself and so did God. No one really needs to constantly share my skeletons, hey I know mine, thanks though. Right!? But I am always feeling alone. No one will ever comprehend that. I get that our children grow up in the world but I had respect for my mom b contacting her and going to her. No I was not perfect, trust me. But it is sad that my children will not have much parental units around as they age. I wanted more for them.