Summer Adventures

I have been busy enjoying life to its fullest this summer! Whether you have money or not there are many ways you can do this. To me it begins with you inside your soul knowing who you are. Learn to love yourself. Work on what you do not like, if it truly needs fixing, see a therapist if some help is needed and/or speak with your primary physician if need be. Why not live life as it is short and you never know what can happen tomorrow.

Here is what has been blessed upon me and mine. I have had the chance to go back to college and in the nursing field. I start August 22nd for nursing school. I am so happy to finally be able to finish this dream in my life! I had to take care of some mental health issues along with physical health issues. I am stable on both ends. I follow up with my physicians and worked hard to get where I am. I even began to work again, part time in assisted living. It is just right for me. I even was blessed with a car from my pastor. What are the chances?

I prayed God you put it in front of me. You help me with my anxiety, depression, Bipolar, and PTSD. He did. I prayed help me with my Stage 4 Chronic Kidney Disease and I am stable with 20% kidney usuage. Scary at that amount but great compared to where I started nearly two years when diagnosed. I may not be in “perfect” health but what is the picture of health today? I feel that I am doing fabulous!

Don’t get me wrong that I still get fatigued, I am w working two nights a week and one evening shift. I do have a chronic illness with no cure and it takes a toll on me but I am managing it and found a way too.

So I decided to live life by doing what I like, get back to working in the health care field. It is where I was at my best. It is what I know and I enjoy the people.

I also decided to live life by getting outside by walking downtown in Galena. Attending church frequently, hard on the night shifts I work the night before. But I’m managing as I can listen to the service online.

David and I have been going to the lake this summer enjoying the boat, the pool, swimming and relaxing.

Look for ways to enjoy your blessings in life. Find ways to do things without the cost so high. This can be year-round. The pictures below are from where we go in Apple River, Illinois called Apple Canyon Lake.

You Are Possible

We need to remind ourselves that we are possible to do and complete things in life. It may take time but you can manage it. I promise you. I hope and pray that you have someone to connect with in life, whether it be family and friends. Life is too short to not try. I know that we all struggle with many things, trust me, I have a list so big you will never finish reading it.

These are the tools we use to enhance ourselves. We write emotionally important information that is hard to share. We have a chance for enhancement in our individual lives. It is a beautiful thing to see yourself grow.  

No matter what you are going through, you have some way to express it. You do not need to go out and buy a fancy journal. Start out with a writing utensil and paper. You can talk through your writing.

HAVE A PEACEFUL AND BLESSED WEEKEND!!

I. Am. Alone.

Oh how I have felt so alone most of my life, not just my childhood but pretty much most my adult life. Yes, I have had many friends come and go. I have had family. I feel at times I do not. Yes, I have family out-of-state and it is hard to get together, that’s for sure. But the loss of my mom in October 2011 took my soul. I was home caring for her when she was on Hospice for 6 months. I will never ever forget those moments. I miss her dearly everyday, even 5 years later. I want her back in person to say, “Mom I am really sorry for all the mistakes and horrible things I have done my whole life and since you’ve been gone.” I was on the depression pole while my mom was sick. I did not want to see or deal with it. I had my mom to take care of and two teenage daughter’s at home. I had no idea how they were gonna deal with this. I noticed many changes in ALL of us at home towards the end and upon her death. I just couldn’t deal. I felt no reality and what do I do now with my pitiful life. I lived for my mom. Nothing wrong with caring and loving your parents but I tend to lose myself with others. Shortly after the New Year in 2012 I kept searching for love, even though I believed and loved God mind you. I was depressed and my anxiety level was way above the voltage rate. So, I got involved with the worst character ever. He was a con artist but I did not see or accept it when told. I was in a “dream world”. This so-called man was going to take me away from all my sadness at home and take care of me and my kids. Well, that never happened. He stole my sister’s cell phone, which was my fault. And my children’s and mine laptops. Oh how I wish I could fix everything. I just check wishing in my “imaginary world” things would change. I was sad, lost, and my soul had disappeared. My dad wanted me to do this and that to take care of it. Hey, I don’t blame him. I was in “la-la land”. Today I would be like, Hey, go, do that! But I failed and he kept trying to con me. This disgrace for a human being went on my Facebook and email accounts and accessed them. He was able to ask people for money and many other strange things. Sad thing is that I lost my so-called close friends due to them believing I was begging for money. I am not like that nor have I ever been. I hurt my dad and his family by saying on facebook things that were not nice when I thought this guy wanted to marry me. Hey, they were the one’s trying to save me and my kids. Where was my brain? I lost a family. It was an awful feeling and still is to this day. My daughter’s who I brag about never visit me or call me about anything. Oh unless it is about money or financial aid or just to complain about my being. I am not invited to anything for holiday’s or graduations. My oldest has never wanted me to visit her at college. Thank God I saw the campus before things ended up how they did. I celebrate no holidays. I am alone. I might get a text message for my birthday or maybe mother’s day. I have constantly said I was sorry ALL those years ago. The last years I give up. I have tried and my heart is hurt and saddened. You see I am the kind of person that does not need constant reminding of all her mistakes, etc. I know them, I remember them daily and I hurt constantly in my heart. I know all the people in my life will never forgive and forget. I need to accept that is between them, their heart, brain, soul, and God. I forgave myself and so did God. No one really needs to constantly share my skeletons, hey I know mine, thanks though. Right!? But I am always feeling alone. No one will ever comprehend that. I get that our children grow up in the world but I had respect for my mom b contacting her and going to her. No I was not perfect, trust me. But it is sad that my children will not have much parental units around as they age. I wanted more for them.