Summer Adventures

I have been busy enjoying life to its fullest this summer! Whether you have money or not there are many ways you can do this. To me it begins with you inside your soul knowing who you are. Learn to love yourself. Work on what you do not like, if it truly needs fixing, see a therapist if some help is needed and/or speak with your primary physician if need be. Why not live life as it is short and you never know what can happen tomorrow.

Here is what has been blessed upon me and mine. I have had the chance to go back to college and in the nursing field. I start August 22nd for nursing school. I am so happy to finally be able to finish this dream in my life! I had to take care of some mental health issues along with physical health issues. I am stable on both ends. I follow up with my physicians and worked hard to get where I am. I even began to work again, part time in assisted living. It is just right for me. I even was blessed with a car from my pastor. What are the chances?

I prayed God you put it in front of me. You help me with my anxiety, depression, Bipolar, and PTSD. He did. I prayed help me with my Stage 4 Chronic Kidney Disease and I am stable with 20% kidney usuage. Scary at that amount but great compared to where I started nearly two years when diagnosed. I may not be in “perfect” health but what is the picture of health today? I feel that I am doing fabulous!

Don’t get me wrong that I still get fatigued, I am w working two nights a week and one evening shift. I do have a chronic illness with no cure and it takes a toll on me but I am managing it and found a way too.

So I decided to live life by doing what I like, get back to working in the health care field. It is where I was at my best. It is what I know and I enjoy the people.

I also decided to live life by getting outside by walking downtown in Galena. Attending church frequently, hard on the night shifts I work the night before. But I’m managing as I can listen to the service online.

David and I have been going to the lake this summer enjoying the boat, the pool, swimming and relaxing.

Look for ways to enjoy your blessings in life. Find ways to do things without the cost so high. This can be year-round. The pictures below are from where we go in Apple River, Illinois called Apple Canyon Lake.

Got The Depression Bug?

Sometimes I just wish there was a shot to get away the many threads of depression. Kind of like the variations of the flu virus. I am not saying having depression is a virus and contagious. I just wish sometimes there was an ultimate cure or a way to manage easier. But there is no such thing or is there?

Yes we can go see a psychiatrist for many types and variations to medicate where you are with your depression or the classification of it, such as bipolar. Going to see your therapist is also part of your healing process to learn to deal and work on solutions to manage it. Along with therapy and medication a regular check-up should be involved in my opinion. My reason is this, medication can affect your other meds along with your liver and kidneys. I found out the hard way. I tried Depokate for my Bipolar I Depression. After 9 months of usage and increasements I ended up with Stage 4 Chronic Kidney Disease. Unfortunately no one knew to check on this. And I do not state it will happen with everyone.

I do feel like there are threads of depression like the flu. All these variations come to mind when we struggle. There are triggers in our lives that affect PTSD. Sounds, smells, places, people, a voice, many other things can trigger you with depression. That is a “strand” of the bug we do not want to get.

If only resolving our problems with depression was so simple. And that is how others see it to be sometimes. Just get up and go. You can sometimes see yourself doing something but you are unable to get there. At least you are at this stage of depression. There still are people not able to see themselves out of their beds. That is okay because you will get there and I am shooting for you. I get the never wanting to leave your bed, never wanting to leave your home, your town, anywhere, no changes.

It is easier said than done. For me I do not believe in the BIG steps right now. Meaning looking ahead at ALL the HUGE goals I want to do. Doing the future far ahead can stumble me because I cannot see that far ahead. I can see my past and how far I have grown and that makes me happy! I chose to make baby steps so I no longer feel overwhelmed and not drowning in my own bath.

With Depression you need support with your medical care, therapist, psychiatrist and physicans. If they are not working together to benefit for your health and well-being that is where you will need to get additional help. I suggest calling your health insurance company. Or if one of them is helpful someone from their offices should be kind enough to let you in the right direction or guide you there. There are support groups. Please be cautious with where you go. I would say this with anything. You want a safe and healthy environment. It is easy to be swindled and drawn down into depression more with the wrong group or organization. Local hospitals, YMCA’s, park districts and NAMI have some groups available. There are talk lines available today. Again please contact your insurance company along with your medical professionals. I personally have not used any texting or online therapy service. I would like to know about those. Any information you feel comfortable to share please do below. Please share on what you think about depression.

I feel that depression is real and if pushing someone you love to move ahead before they are ready will stump their growth. We must be aware. Depression is a brain disease, it is our brain health, yes it is mental health and there is nothing wrong with that.

Suicide, what we need to understand

Many people think they can comprehend suicide. Their thoughts on someone committing suicide is they are weak and losers, etc. I do not care for those words. To be honest any human being is close enough to be close enough. You may not know what each individual is really going through.

The human being that commits suicide does not always look super happy or rather sad. The day/night before they could go out for a good time and you would never have seen it coming. It kills your heart when you lose your parent, sibling, child, and we could go on. You wonder how I know?

Let me tell you my story, not many people know what I struggle with. But I want to help you.

I have thought suicide for your one true love was special, like Romeo and Juliet. I was in school in the 80’s when we were reading about that. I doubt we did much discussion on a suicide pact. I do hope and that schools of any sect/organization discuss this. There needs to be an open door policy. 

My high years were not the best for me. I was made fun of, I really did not have many friends come over, hang out with, or even have a date, nonetheless. One day I went to the guidance and counseling office at school. I mentioned how I am so tired of life, how depressed I feel, that I felt like death. They called my parents and I was completely embarrassed. I feel that could have been dealt with better judgement. They knew my background and history. I told them if I could I would swallow Tylenol to die but I would have to chew each one since I could not swallow them back then. I felt like a joke to my parents. And that’s exactly what I became in my family.

I have had years of depression and anxiety. I have thought about suicide numerous times. I even called my pharmacy to ask, “how many pills is too many to take?” It took him a minute to say, “whoa, wait a minute here.” I would say, “I am just in so much pain and not sure what else to do.” To be honest I was at that time in too much pain but had no clue how to fix it. 

I am 47 years old and still struggle daily with different issues in my life. Not just physical and health issues. But my strongest enemy is my mental illness. I have BiPolar Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, OCD. I think that covers it.I finaly have the right doctor’s in order for me. It is an answered prayer. I knew something was wrong and I could not quite figure some things out. I knew about the depression/anxiety and PTSD. But so glad it all makes sense now. After 47 years of life I know why I have ups and downs. I know why I have not been that stable at times. Oh I am not saying this is an excuse to work but it makes sense of my years past. I finally started medication in December 2016. It is going to take time but worth it in this journey. And yes there are moments I feel like I should not be on this earth. I have been told, “why don’t you go and kill yourself”. That’s the most ignorant thing to tell a person ever.Even today I felt like is this ALL worth it here on earth? No one really talks to me. I have no family for holidays, family please move on with me.

I know I have made many mistakes in my 47 years of life. but the last 5 years of life I have struggled daily if it was worth it. I prayed and prayed to rid this enemy out of my life. And not it will never be perfect. I see my therapist weekly and if need be twice a week. I see a psychiatrist for my meds once a month, my primary doctor once a month, and I have a case manager come over to my house weekly to see how I am doing. I do not like leaving my home. It is really hard for me. It really is. But these are things to help me.

I hope you have someone you can talk to. Whether it be a service at your job, school, church, therapist, friend, etc. But there might be that time you need to speak with a professional.








Mental Illness is Not a Cuss Word

It is about time to start talking about Mental Illness. It is not a contagious disease. It does not mean you are lazy. People think when you have a mental illness you are using it as an excuse. It is a terrible feeling while struggling. Too many people are not being diagnosed correctly. You need to wee your physician if you notice any signs. Please be very careful of wiki-pedia and google. NAMI is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Please check out

I would write up what you have noticed or even others you can trust to your doctor. Your PCP may start you on an anti-depressant but you will need to be assessed by a psychiatrist. Once depending on your case, insurance, and/or money they should help you or at least send you in the right direction. I suggest you BE PERSISTANT. This is you life you are dealing with. And let me tell you, your life is worth it! You are worth so much more.

I’ve been there struggling and I have finally found my set of physicians to help me with my care in my life. My heart goes out to you.

I truly am  grateful that my prayers were answered, maybe not in the time I wanted but it was figured out. Too many people can interfere thinking they know best when they do not. Always contact your physician right away and go from there.

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