Summer Adventures

I have been busy enjoying life to its fullest this summer! Whether you have money or not there are many ways you can do this. To me it begins with you inside your soul knowing who you are. Learn to love yourself. Work on what you do not like, if it truly needs fixing, see a therapist if some help is needed and/or speak with your primary physician if need be. Why not live life as it is short and you never know what can happen tomorrow.

Here is what has been blessed upon me and mine. I have had the chance to go back to college and in the nursing field. I start August 22nd for nursing school. I am so happy to finally be able to finish this dream in my life! I had to take care of some mental health issues along with physical health issues. I am stable on both ends. I follow up with my physicians and worked hard to get where I am. I even began to work again, part time in assisted living. It is just right for me. I even was blessed with a car from my pastor. What are the chances?

I prayed God you put it in front of me. You help me with my anxiety, depression, Bipolar, and PTSD. He did. I prayed help me with my Stage 4 Chronic Kidney Disease and I am stable with 20% kidney usuage. Scary at that amount but great compared to where I started nearly two years when diagnosed. I may not be in “perfect” health but what is the picture of health today? I feel that I am doing fabulous!

Don’t get me wrong that I still get fatigued, I am w working two nights a week and one evening shift. I do have a chronic illness with no cure and it takes a toll on me but I am managing it and found a way too.

So I decided to live life by doing what I like, get back to working in the health care field. It is where I was at my best. It is what I know and I enjoy the people.

I also decided to live life by getting outside by walking downtown in Galena. Attending church frequently, hard on the night shifts I work the night before. But I’m managing as I can listen to the service online.

David and I have been going to the lake this summer enjoying the boat, the pool, swimming and relaxing.

Look for ways to enjoy your blessings in life. Find ways to do things without the cost so high. This can be year-round. The pictures below are from where we go in Apple River, Illinois called Apple Canyon Lake.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Also known as PTSD. Many of us have dealt with this in one way or another. The NIMH (The National Institute for Health) tells us that about 7 or 8 out of every 100 people will experience PTSD. That is according to the National Center for PTSD . You can surf Google and find your share of facts about PTSD all over. But it is real and that is my point.

I think there is more to PTSD than most people realize. I know those who have gone through it and are have the idea. I feel that clinicians have seen their patients/clients go through this process as well.

As we know during a pregnancy you can go through PTSD due to any challenges during this time. While waiting to bring your child into this world you have months of worry. Then upon delivery and all your hormones so much happens. Our brains can only handle so much. Post-partum Depression is real. Even upon delivery of your child there could be a health issue for both mother and baby. Not just mother can have some PTSD with a difficult birth but the father can too. We need to recognize the additional stressors added to the family members and what happens during pregnancy in this society as well.

With suicide on a high rise, as in any age range we need to recognize how it affects those losing someone. Recently there has been a number of Chicago Police Officers who have committed suicide. This has affected the entire community. Please check out the recent article from the Chicago Tribune in regards to what our community has been going through. As for our first responders they never know what they are walking into. That includes all of our police officials (City, County, State, SWAT, FBI, etc.), local fire departments along with our ambulance services, and such. They have no clue what they are walking into when given that call.

Even those watching the news with tragic events happening in our area, let alone our country. We have empathy because we have hearts and care. But while we watch our communities suffer a loss from any tragic event PTSD can easily settle in. As we are currently noticing that since the Sandy Hook Shooting, a victim’s father took his own life. Now do not tell me that people do not suffer from that loss and that PTSD does not set in. That is a traumatic event in a parent’s life. Even the Parkland Shooting has had two suicides since their horrific tragedy. What are we not educated enough on to help those who suffered so much? There are triggers signs and symptoms that remind us of the past. Some good and some bad. No it is NOT easy to “get over it” as they say. This is a serious epidemic and we need to find a way to treat it properly with the right individuals.

Now PTSD can come in many little packages, you name it. A marriage or dating relationship gone wrong. Problems in school with no support and many more situations, unstable family situations, being involved in cults (they find you when you are searching and down on your bottom of life and not saying having a belief in religion is wrong). Death of loved ones, Chronic illnesses and cancers, taking care of those ill and your child ill. These things and many more can cause great stress and deep grief on ourselves and bodies. Our brains can only take on so much today.

What we wish or rather myself is that all therapists and psychiatrists were educated enough in their field. How does this effect those with financial issues to pay for help? Glad I asked myself that. It unfortunately does. I have used State Insurance in my past and went to a facility and each month there was a different psychiatrist. That is not my cup of tea. It is rather frustrating to see someone and not get the proper meds you need. Not being diagnosed properly in a 5 minute appointment. Many PCP’s will only prescribe anti-depressants for so long along with other medications of that realm. There is a miscommunication somewhere is our process for Mental Health Awareness and we can also call it Brain Health. I have heard rumors of Mental Health being changed to Brain Health to get rid of the stigma. We shall see about that name and all. But the problem is the treatment, the costs, the medications, the reactions. What can be done? What is next from the pharmaceutical companies with side effects being less? What about ALL insurances covering a majority of the cost of meds? What about the cost of treatment? What about finding a therapist or someone specializing for your basic needs near you? There are people but do they take your insurance? These are the many questions I have. I have seen people needing help in the last year and unable to get it BECAUSE they are not “needy” enough. What is NOT needy enough today? People are spiraling into alcoholism and drug addiction, the suicide rate is not that great either. One suicide is one too many.

I do hope those in Washington are going to do what they started out to do. I do pray and wish for greater health insurance for all. I do not want to be sent to ANY doctor the government sends me too because how do I know what I am going to get. That is what the problem was for me back in 2012-2013. Giving a wrong diagnosis with the wrong meds and changing them constantly does no one any good. Here is to hoping we get a grip on Mental Illness and not putting it as a stigma of placing people in hospitals. I know people who think that Bipolar people should be hospitalized until you are cured. Okay, hmmm I do not seeing that doable. What I do see is that people need to work around and manage it. It goes with anything else. So should all the people who have PTSD sit in a hospital bed and look at every trigger and once cured go out in the world? it does not work that way. When you are out in the world, that is where things happen and going to therapy is where you get help. We are in a digital age, we need providers in many ways and our insurance companies working with us in that as well as cost. I hope I got my point across that PTSD comes in many areas and do not condone what someone has suffered from and how. you are not them. Let us hope for a better way of helping others in this world. Let us sway out the ones who should not be practicing and train the ones who need it. Finally get these costs affordable to the public with insurance and provide ways for others to get help.

My Prayers For Aurora, Illinois

Yesterday a man at his workplace was, as they say “disgruntled”. He worked at his company for 15 years and was fired that day. Unfortunately he had a history that no one was aware of. He had a gun illegally. Yes I do wish laws were excellent all over so responsible people know how to use them. As in such, trained police officers, our military, people who hunt, etc.

People have free will on this Earth and we make our own choices. God gives us that. However, anyone can get a gun illegally. What we need to stop is people getting the guns illegally as well as when a F.O.I.D. card is suspended we need to find a way to get those guns. I do not know the numbers of people turning their guns in. This is no excuse for what this man did.

He killed 5 employees there. One was injured. I believe 6 police officers were injured. Aurora Police Department were right on top of it. They did what they signed up to do. The FBI helped. There were SWAT teams helping. It makes me proud of how Kane County got together. I was pleased to see our new Govenor make it up there. This showed how we all get together, in Illinois.

I moved away from the Kane County area in July but I still keep in touch with my friends out there. I was watching it from the moment I got the ABC 7 Chicago News Alert. It was to me just so close to home.

I cannot fathom what anyone there was feeling. My heart goes out to all of them. I do hope and pray for everyone, from those suffering to those first responders. How amazing to have all those ambulances there to help. We have a great state with a great group of first responders we need to respect and appreciate.

All I am is just grateful. And my prayers go out to our community in my state of Illinois. Yes it gets cold, snows, and icy but overall we can pick up the pieces together.

God Bless Everyone!

Suicide, what we need to understand

Many people think they can comprehend suicide. Their thoughts on someone committing suicide is they are weak and losers, etc. I do not care for those words. To be honest any human being is close enough to be close enough. You may not know what each individual is really going through.

The human being that commits suicide does not always look super happy or rather sad. The day/night before they could go out for a good time and you would never have seen it coming. It kills your heart when you lose your parent, sibling, child, and we could go on. You wonder how I know?

Let me tell you my story, not many people know what I struggle with. But I want to help you.

I have thought suicide for your one true love was special, like Romeo and Juliet. I was in school in the 80’s when we were reading about that. I doubt we did much discussion on a suicide pact. I do hope and that schools of any sect/organization discuss this. There needs to be an open door policy. 

My high years were not the best for me. I was made fun of, I really did not have many friends come over, hang out with, or even have a date, nonetheless. One day I went to the guidance and counseling office at school. I mentioned how I am so tired of life, how depressed I feel, that I felt like death. They called my parents and I was completely embarrassed. I feel that could have been dealt with better judgement. They knew my background and history. I told them if I could I would swallow Tylenol to die but I would have to chew each one since I could not swallow them back then. I felt like a joke to my parents. And that’s exactly what I became in my family.

I have had years of depression and anxiety. I have thought about suicide numerous times. I even called my pharmacy to ask, “how many pills is too many to take?” It took him a minute to say, “whoa, wait a minute here.” I would say, “I am just in so much pain and not sure what else to do.” To be honest I was at that time in too much pain but had no clue how to fix it. 

I am 47 years old and still struggle daily with different issues in my life. Not just physical and health issues. But my strongest enemy is my mental illness. I have BiPolar Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, OCD. I think that covers it.I finaly have the right doctor’s in order for me. It is an answered prayer. I knew something was wrong and I could not quite figure some things out. I knew about the depression/anxiety and PTSD. But so glad it all makes sense now. After 47 years of life I know why I have ups and downs. I know why I have not been that stable at times. Oh I am not saying this is an excuse to work but it makes sense of my years past. I finally started medication in December 2016. It is going to take time but worth it in this journey. And yes there are moments I feel like I should not be on this earth. I have been told, “why don’t you go and kill yourself”. That’s the most ignorant thing to tell a person ever.Even today I felt like is this ALL worth it here on earth? No one really talks to me. I have no family for holidays, family please move on with me.

I know I have made many mistakes in my 47 years of life. but the last 5 years of life I have struggled daily if it was worth it. I prayed and prayed to rid this enemy out of my life. And not it will never be perfect. I see my therapist weekly and if need be twice a week. I see a psychiatrist for my meds once a month, my primary doctor once a month, and I have a case manager come over to my house weekly to see how I am doing. I do not like leaving my home. It is really hard for me. It really is. But these are things to help me.

I hope you have someone you can talk to. Whether it be a service at your job, school, church, therapist, friend, etc. But there might be that time you need to speak with a professional.









I have struggled for years about my mother’s love to me. Even when she was alive. She passed away in October 2011. I have made so many mistakes the amount is infinity times infinity. I love my daughter’s unconditionally. How could I not? To me, they are amazing children who grew up to be wonderful young adults.

Now back to my  mom, I made so many mistakes. It still hurts me for doing that. When my mom went on Hospice I felt the need to be there at home with her. I could not imagine what both my parent’s were thinking. You do for love unconditionally.

I know I need to move on about my fear and anxiety in regards to my mom. I have been going through therapy for years!

My message to you is this: ENJOY! Just enjoy your life. Accept your differences of your parent’s and children as well. It is time to respect not just our parent’s but our children as well. If we are not having these conversations in our families and home-life’s, it shall suffer. 

I have issues with not getting out of my home and many a bad relationship. That does not help me blossom in life. It digresses me every time I go through more trauma and traumatic events. If I did not have so many triggers in my life, no more PTSD either. Again my choices lead me to this. But sometimes life just throws you a lemon and things do not always go the way you want. 

Life is not perfect but please enjoy your time with family. No more grudges. Do not say you are a Christian and cannot forgive someone. There are lost sheep all over the world. Only God can judge us, so no more judging a person’s mistakes, troubles, behavior, race, religious belief, sexual orientation, etc. I see Jesus making friends/contacts/connections with people this day and age on earth sharing the gospel and loving each person unconditionally. How about you?